First second and third base in dating
Most Americans are familiar with the “base system” baseball metaphor for physical intimacy.
If you’re not familiar with it, you might check out this XKCD comic for the complicated version, or this excerpt from baseball metaphors for sex from Wikipedia: 4.
Whoever had just gained access to your breasts made this classic error of deductive reasoning: If breasts feel kind of like fleshy stress balls, then they must clutched as such.
I’m terrible at small talk, so if I survive this phase with another mom, then I know she’s either desperate for a friend or really into me. At this point, you’re hanging out because you want to and you set it up ahead of time.
When you were dating your man, you ate dinners for which you didn’t pay and walked through doors that he opened for you. To my fourth-basers: I love you more than words can say. I’ll dust off my fancy jeans, we can eat Thai coconut soup and talk about not our kids. Fourth base for moms is so much better than dating fourth base.
When you show up at the park for the first time with your little ones spilling out of the van (along with a healthy amount of cups and dirty napkins, if you’re like me), scan the swingset for anyone you might recognize, and notice that all the other moms are already hanging out in pairs, you realize that your dating years have only just begun.
After a few tries, you’d be tempted to say something like “push in instead of pulling,” but out of fear of ruining the moment even more, you would just keep kissing them instead.
Finally, they gave up and pretended like getting lost in your bra clasps was all part of the plan.7. When you were dating your man, you wore incredible outfits and said, “Oh this old thing? If you love gluten-free, feel free to talk about it. Just don’t start talking in absolutes, making broad, generalizing statements, because you may never make it to third. They might feel like this: Third base is a play date at one of our houses. You better have the relational stamina for this kind of commitment. Just because you want to, not because you’re killing time while your kids do their thing. One fourth-base mom date will last me for a couple of months.